Today, I need to speak to all you readers about a post that really reminded me of me: “I Am Just The Vessel. . .” by Willie Torres Jr., author of the WordPress site https://beingcrazyforchrist.com/
Post link: https://beingcrazyforchrist.com/2026/05/26/i-am-just-the-vessel/
I, Starmonia, am an author, artist, and blogger. Like Willie Torres Jr., I have always loved writing. As a little child I would write silly stories. As a middle-aged kid I would write sensible, well-crafted poems, plays, and even songs. As I got older, I became more skilled at writing and really enjoyed doing it. I still do, in fact.
The main reason I write is not to earn money or become famous; it’s simply because I love doing it. I find pleasure in doing it. Another main reason is because I believe, through God, I can change the world. And I am changing the world even now, though I cannot see it. I am planting seeds that God will water and they will one day sprout into something amazing.
In his post, Willie knew he was not perfect. He also knew he was one of the least unlikely ones anyone would have chosen to change the world through his honest and amazing writing. But God is not just “anyone.” God is God, and He can choose anyone he wishes to fulfill His plan for creation. He chose twelve unlikely men to change the world in big ways. He chose a young virgin girl to carry His Son. He chose a little shepherd boy to be one of the greatest kings in Israel.
I am a very bright girl. I am very smart, intelligent, and spirited (perhaps too much sometimes). I am protective of my friends and family and hate seeing others bullied or cut down. I am empathetic, compassionate, and beautiful. And I am not bragging on myself; I’m merely speaking the truth. God says I am everything I mentioned above, and I believe I am.
But sometimes I really don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Sometimes I don’t see myself as a follower of Christ. Willie says it all in his post:
“Do I enjoy writing? Yes.
Do I love building friendships and relationships with others? Yes.
Do I see myself as a disciple?
I am supposed to… but only God truly knows. And if I am being honest, I hesitate to even carry that title, because of the weight it holds.”
I see myself the same way. There are times I doubt whether I’m truly worthy to carry the title of “Christian.”
“Some may say disciples are just ordinary men. And that is true. But they are also followers of Christ. They are called to go out and make disciples of all nations. Leaders. Servants. Messengers of truth.
They carry their Cross through trials, through struggles, through pain. They speak the Gospel for all to hear, without shame. Without fear of being mocked, rejected, spit on, or even killed for what they believe.
That is not a light calling.”
That is one of the truest statements I have ever heard in my life. I couldn’t have said it better.
“So I ask myself… am I worthy of that?
And the truth is, I do not see it in myself.”
I don’t see it in myself either. I doubt whether I’m truly good enough to accomplish the heavy task of walking and evangelizing for the Lord.
“I see my flaws. I see my doubts. I see the moments where fear tries to silence me, where I feel inadequate, where I question if I am enough.
But maybe that is the point.
Because being a disciple was never about being worthy on our own. It was never about having it all together, knowing everything, or standing without weakness. The very men Jesus called were imperfect, unsure, and at times afraid.
Yet they followed.
Not because they were worthy, but because they were willing.”
I have to admit, there are a lot of times I know I hurt Jesus with my wrongdoings. And it’s not that I wanted to do wrong, but nor I was not willing to do right. I’m definitely not worthy to stand before Jesus, and neither is anyone else. But through Christ, I am made new. I am now able to stand before the King of kings and the Lord of lords.
I am willing to go wherever God has called me. And I know I am not worthy for the hard tasks He is placing before me, but I am definitely willing to do whatever He asks of me. . .no matter how hard it is.
I doubt myself from time to time, and I even doubt God at times, but I have never lost faith that God is watching out for me and has a plan for my life.
When I was five, I nearly drowned from falling into a river. I couldn’t swim and my family couldn’t see me under the murky water, but somehow, I floated back up for a second and part of my head was spotted, and that was how I was saved. When I was twelve, I was playing with a metal jewelry chain near an outlet into which was a plugged a nightlight, and like an idiot, I allowed the chain to touch the metal prongs of the nightlight. I burned my finger on the smoking black chain, but thankfully, the power went out before I was electrocuted and possibly died or anything caught on fire.
Looking back now, I know those rescues were not mere “good luck.” They were signs that God was telling me He had something great for me in store. And at this point, I’m still not certain what it is, but I know He has something wonderful planned for me.
“And maybe that is where I stand. Not as someone who has arrived, not as someone who claims the title boldly, but as someone who is learning… slowly, humbly… to follow.”
That’s certainly where I stand, no doubt about it! I am still learning to follow Him, and with God’s help, in time, the day will come when I will be able to face anything with no fear, for God is with me!
Thank you, Willie, for writing this spectacular post! You are truly a talented writer with a wonderful gift for words! I pray your books will change the world and show God’s love and conviction to all! God bless you, and keep writing!
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